shame

I am not ashamed by husband is bipolar.  On the contrary, I'm ashamed that I cannot be a better wife to him. 

I am insecure and I fail.  A lot. He certainly could use someone much different from me.

Last week, a friend told me I'm strong.  I have the strength to manage.  To get through.  This particular friend does not know my husband is bipolar.  Therefore, I don't know if he'd confirm I have enough strength to actually navigate this life.

I have read enough Brene Brown to know shame is wrong.  I shouldn't feel it.  I should discard it.  But, the reality is, shame is there.  Ever present.  Telling me I am a failure.  Not just on one occasion.  But as a totality. 

I imagine these are common feelings for the bipolar spouse.