We are in the throes of significant marital issues.
Which makes me afraid. And on edge. Weary and tired. Frustrated and alone.
Living with a bipolar spouse is not easy. Going through relational angst with a bipolar spouse is even less easy. Not knowing if bipolar is a contributing factor to any of it or most of it. Concerned for my husband's well being. And also concerned for my own. Wanting him to be at peace, while at the same time wanting him to be with me. Wondering how to make those two intersect. Can't they at some point?
Today I see my counselor. To discuss my own issues. Not so much the marital stuff but I suppose in a way the marital stuff. In that my issues are a contributing factor to our stuff. Yet I have to overcome my personal issues no matter how anything else ends up.
This month marks 25 years since we began dating. That's a long time to be with someone. A lot of years and memories to leave behind. Much to walk away from. Much to watch someone walk away from. The hopes for the future seemingly gone.
So I'm afraid. Because I want a future with my husband. I want to change. And it all seems so fragile. Easily broken and swept away. Like a glass object.
