I'm a firm believer we are the products of our environment. While I'm not a doctor or researcher or scientist, my theory is we carry part of our parents inside us. If that's the case, we carry a piece of our grandparents, too. And on back through our lineage. Stuff is passed down, whether cognitively or unbeknownst. At least that's my opinion, whatever it's worth.
My husband's paternal grandpa died today. He was his last remaining grandparent. My husband and this grandpa were not particularly close. Yet, I can't help to think part of the reason my husband is who he is, is because of who his grandfather was.
My husband's relationship with his father is strained, at best. I'm not sure his father realizes it is strained. I find myself blaming his dad for much of the bipolar{ness} my husband faces. Whether that's valid, I don't know. Maybe one has to place blame somewhere, so why not?
Due to the passing of Grandpa, there will be more communication amongst the family. My husband's dad will want to talk, discuss plans, share. And my husband will not want to accept the calls. {His dad lives across the country} My husband will struggle; I won't know how to respond. That's what the next few days will bring. Questions, concerns, etc.
Part of life that most everyone faces at some point, yet it seems so magnified when bipolar comes into play.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
bright
I'm a GOOGLER. Meaning I, throughout the day, when a random question pops into my head..... GOOGLE it.
This afternoon, I got to pondering my husband's recent thoughts about all the jobs he's held [there have been many] and his oft bored-ness at work. He is a fast worker, and quite often finds himself sitting around with little to do. Which led me to think about his many positions, many of which have not required a great deal of intelligence. Oh, many of those hiring him wanted someone who is bright. They insisted they were looking for an organized, Type A, driven person who would not only make changes, but be genuinely ecstatic about making them. Many of his jobs have been in the faith based non-profit sector. He's had many pastoral positions as well as others in the [helping others] field. And no offense to the ministerial types in the crowd, but I've learned through the years, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to preach a sermon, lead worship, serve a meal or hold a canned food drive. Most of the population's straight A students become something else.
Which leads me to the point of this entry. I GOOGLED "intelligence and bipolar" with the offbeat thought that perhaps most of the bipolar crowd is also the straight A crowd. Or those that fall into the above average intelligence crowd. It made sense to me, but, I'm not a therapist or scientist or actual research professional. Here's the first article that came up:
I have not taken the time to read this article in depth. I plan to come back to it. But a brief skim revealed there is a connection. A link between intelligence and bipolar disorder.
I'm sure to some it would seem I'm bragging about my husband and his intellect. I'm really not. I'm being factual. My husband got accepted into the US Naval Academy when it was one of the most difficult schools, if not the most, difficult academic institution to get into. Despite his enjoyment of making people believe he's not very smart, he truly is. And many of his struggles through our years together have had to do with unmet [supposed] potential. Which in my understanding, is typical of the talented.
I will delve into this further. I find it interesting. And if nothing else, I feel it offers some reasoning as to why my husband is bipolar.
This afternoon, I got to pondering my husband's recent thoughts about all the jobs he's held [there have been many] and his oft bored-ness at work. He is a fast worker, and quite often finds himself sitting around with little to do. Which led me to think about his many positions, many of which have not required a great deal of intelligence. Oh, many of those hiring him wanted someone who is bright. They insisted they were looking for an organized, Type A, driven person who would not only make changes, but be genuinely ecstatic about making them. Many of his jobs have been in the faith based non-profit sector. He's had many pastoral positions as well as others in the [helping others] field. And no offense to the ministerial types in the crowd, but I've learned through the years, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to preach a sermon, lead worship, serve a meal or hold a canned food drive. Most of the population's straight A students become something else.
Which leads me to the point of this entry. I GOOGLED "intelligence and bipolar" with the offbeat thought that perhaps most of the bipolar crowd is also the straight A crowd. Or those that fall into the above average intelligence crowd. It made sense to me, but, I'm not a therapist or scientist or actual research professional. Here's the first article that came up:
I have not taken the time to read this article in depth. I plan to come back to it. But a brief skim revealed there is a connection. A link between intelligence and bipolar disorder.
I'm sure to some it would seem I'm bragging about my husband and his intellect. I'm really not. I'm being factual. My husband got accepted into the US Naval Academy when it was one of the most difficult schools, if not the most, difficult academic institution to get into. Despite his enjoyment of making people believe he's not very smart, he truly is. And many of his struggles through our years together have had to do with unmet [supposed] potential. Which in my understanding, is typical of the talented.
I will delve into this further. I find it interesting. And if nothing else, I feel it offers some reasoning as to why my husband is bipolar.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
aging parents
My husband is not much of a comforter. I'm not sure if it's a characteristic of being bipolar. He's quite matter-of-fact, which I think has more to do with his Midwestern childhood and his personality. He's emotional. He frequently cries during movies and tv programs. His love for our children is apparent and obvious. Yet, outside of our immediate family, he doesn't tend to show much sympathy.
Let me get to what I want to get at..... I've reached middle age. My parents have reached their senior years. I realize a call could come at any time with bad news. Or news of the end. A week and a half ago my sister called telling me of a situation with my dad. He's fine now. But he did visit the hospital in an ambulance.
Monday I found out through social media a high school teacher, a peer and acquaintance of my father passed away. A fellow coach; well liked by his students. All too similar to my dad's story. A few months ago the pastor of my home church throughout my teen years died. A friend's dad passed last week.
I continue to hear stories of other dads [and moms] who pass. And it makes me slightly fearful of what it will be like when it happens to my family.
I live far away from my parents. Growing up, my dad was rarely ill. He never took sick days. But now, now he's older and life has caught up. And I realize losing him will be hard and he'll most likely go before my mother because men usually do and he's four years older than her. And I don't know if my husband will be the comfort I will need. I fear I will have to face this somewhat alone.
My husband's relationship with his dad is not good. He doesn't think of his father the way I think of mine. So, while I believe he'll be kind and supportive and drive me to the airport...... I don't know if he will truly understand the loss. Or what I need.
That's really what I hate about bipolar disorder. It robs us of what we need. Because of it, I feel selfish if I desire another response, different from what I get.
So I'm trying to prepare myself, bit by bit. Trying to be ready, just in case something bad happens during a not so good season.
Let me get to what I want to get at..... I've reached middle age. My parents have reached their senior years. I realize a call could come at any time with bad news. Or news of the end. A week and a half ago my sister called telling me of a situation with my dad. He's fine now. But he did visit the hospital in an ambulance.
Monday I found out through social media a high school teacher, a peer and acquaintance of my father passed away. A fellow coach; well liked by his students. All too similar to my dad's story. A few months ago the pastor of my home church throughout my teen years died. A friend's dad passed last week.
I continue to hear stories of other dads [and moms] who pass. And it makes me slightly fearful of what it will be like when it happens to my family.
I live far away from my parents. Growing up, my dad was rarely ill. He never took sick days. But now, now he's older and life has caught up. And I realize losing him will be hard and he'll most likely go before my mother because men usually do and he's four years older than her. And I don't know if my husband will be the comfort I will need. I fear I will have to face this somewhat alone.
My husband's relationship with his dad is not good. He doesn't think of his father the way I think of mine. So, while I believe he'll be kind and supportive and drive me to the airport...... I don't know if he will truly understand the loss. Or what I need.
That's really what I hate about bipolar disorder. It robs us of what we need. Because of it, I feel selfish if I desire another response, different from what I get.
So I'm trying to prepare myself, bit by bit. Trying to be ready, just in case something bad happens during a not so good season.
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