aging parents

My husband is not much of a comforter.  I'm not sure if it's a characteristic of being bipolar.  He's quite matter-of-fact, which I think has more to do with his Midwestern childhood and his personality.  He's emotional.  He frequently cries during movies and tv programs.  His love for our children is apparent and obvious.  Yet, outside of our immediate family, he doesn't tend to show much sympathy.

Let me get to what I want to get at.....  I've reached middle age.  My parents have reached their senior years.  I realize a call could come at any time with bad news.  Or news of the end.  A week and a half ago my sister called telling me of a situation with my dad.  He's fine now.  But he did visit the hospital in an ambulance. 

Monday I found out through social media a high school teacher, a peer and acquaintance of my father passed away.  A fellow coach; well liked by his students.  All too similar to my dad's story.  A few months ago the pastor of my home church throughout my teen years died.  A friend's dad passed last week. 

I continue to hear stories of other dads [and moms] who pass.  And it makes me slightly fearful of what it will be like when it happens to my family. 

I live far away from my parents.  Growing up, my dad was rarely ill.  He never took sick days.  But now, now he's older and life has caught up.  And I realize losing him will be hard and he'll most likely go before my mother because men usually do and he's four years older than her.  And I don't know if my husband will be the comfort I will need.  I fear I will have to face this somewhat alone. 

My husband's relationship with his dad is not good.  He doesn't think of his father the way I think of mine.  So, while I believe he'll be kind and supportive and drive me to the airport......  I don't know if he will truly understand the loss.  Or what I need. 

That's really what I hate about bipolar disorder.  It robs us of what we need.  Because of it, I feel selfish if I desire another response, different from what I get. 

So I'm trying to prepare myself, bit by bit.  Trying to be ready, just in case something bad happens during a not so good season.